As Maharaj Nisargadatta, a famous spiritual teacher from India and an
enlightenment sage said I as a person do not exist. What is there is just
desires, hopes and expectations... the beliefs around an apparent permanency
of "I AM" sense.
The person is merely the result of a misunderstanding. In reality, there is no such thing.
Feelings, thoughts and actions race before the watcher in endless succession, leaving traces in the brain and creating an illusion of continuity. A reflection of the watcher in the mind creates the sense of 'I' and the person acquires an apparently independent existence.
In reality there is no person, only the watcher identifying himself with the 'I' and the 'mine'.
The teacher tells the watcher: you are not this, there is nothing of yours in this, except the little point of 'I am', which is the bridge between the watcher and his dream. ‘I am this, I am that' is dream, while pure 'I am' has the stamp of reality on it.
You have tasted so many things - all came to naught. Only the sense 'I am' persisted - unchanged. Stay with the changeless among the changeful, until you are able to go beyond.
~ Maharaj Nisargadatta
So you may wonder - how I as a person - who does not exist - can be delightful
to have a wife, to love her so much and to be happy when she is around... Does
this agree with spiritual path I am taking and my words in general?
Family life and spiritual life and business life and whatever life you can
think of is the same thing. The base of "I AM" sense is love to be, love for
yourself, to exists and experience the life as it is.
The problem comes with thoughts, a constant stream of self-dialog which does
not stop.
The thoughts come directly from how we take ourselves, what are our beliefs.
My spiritual practice is to take myself as something insignificant.
I may put my photo on this blog but that is just for fun. I see myself as I
really am - just "I AM" sense. I try to get rid of my personality and that is
so difficult to do.
I welcome my wife and I am glad to do changes in my life, from simple changing
daily routines and eating habits, sleeping pattern, exercise hours, etc...
and all the way to changing furniture in the apartment and many other things.
I like to be fluid and not a stubborn cynic. I am fully aware that I am
nobody. I am an imagined persona, apparently living my own life.
What is this illusion, called life, is a question that cannot be answered. It
is like you ask someone to describe how does look a son of barren woman. -
Well, it has no look because it's simply not there - it is just like a mirage.
This is what everyone of us really is. Knowing this I am so relaxed and
relieved. I have no other obligation in life except to enjoy it. And I do. I
enjoy in small things, in simple walk in High Park, in a glass of whiskey or
beer.. I get delight when I solve a problem in my work, when I write a message
to my daughter or when I kiss my wife. I love life as it is.
Just like all of you I have problems in life. Life is what it is. It is not
always a honey and milk sometimes it is very sour.
In such moments I remind myself that I am nobody and I ask myself how
something that does not exist can feel anger or fear or jealousy or
whatever... it simply cannot, it is not possible... all that is imagination.
So I stop such considerations.
My wife and I laugh a lot. We kiss each other and we do care about our
relationship. We are two strong personalities accustomed to be leaders and
conflict may arise.
Sometimes I am harsh, impatient and I say things I do not mean it. Sometimes
she does it. When something like that happen we try to quiet ourselves and
later we joke about it.
I may disappoint you but I will not write about my wife and my marriage often
on these pages. There is no need. We are in love and we are happy together.
That's all that matters.
I am continuing on my path of self-realization. Now I have a companion,
that's it.
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